“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” — Exodus 20:12

Even a casual review of the Ten Commandments causes us to wonder how — or why — it happens, in the economy of God, that some things are included in the sacred list, and some other things are not. I choose the fifth among the “Big Ten” this Mother’s Day weekend as focus for a devotional moment, believing that neither the inclusions nor the exclusions are incidental — or accidental.

Without possibility of mistake in interpretation or understanding, God intends that we all should “honor” our parents.

The easiest approach to the fifth commandment says that it applies only to those parents who in fact did — and do — honorable jobs of being mothers and fathers. That is, the really “good” parents out there certainly make mistakes, but those “good” parents — honorably — also make numerous sacrifices for their children, and knock themselves out to demonstrate their love.

My experience with Holy Scripture, however, says never trust the easiest interpretation of eternal truth. Plainly, the fifth commandment is not conditional. We are not told by God to honor only those mothers and fathers who do well at parenting. Rather, we are told simply to honor father and to honor mother — that is, all mothers and all fathers — that we may live long in a new place to which God is leading us. This fifth commandment is, of course, the first among the commandments that is attached to a promise: long days in a new place.

Remember with me that the Ten Commandments were given by God to people who were on a journey. That journey began in Egypt — where God’s people had been. That journey continued toward the Land of Promise — where God’s people would be. The people of God were literally “on the road” between a former place and a new place.

This fifth commandment serves as a way of helping the people of God to establish a new home. The commandment cautions God’s people: unless you rightly honor the home from which you have come, you will never rightly receive the home to which you are going.

In making this emphasis, several things ought to be clarified. We are not told to stay at home with parents. We are not told to agree with parents. We are not required to assume or embrace the values of our parents. Interestingly — or perhaps amazingly — we are not even told to love our mother and father. Rather, God requires that we honor our parents.

To honor our parents means we realize that we did not spring forth out of nothing, and that life was shaped for you and for me — for better or for worse — by whomever we describe as those who have raised us.

It’s not an accident that this fifth commandment falls on the same side of the tablets of the law as the first four commandments that direct our relationship with God. Like God our Creator, parents give us names; parents give us identities. Parents nurture us; parents provide for us. Parents teach us right from wrong. Parents set boundaries for us.

All of these things are world-creating, life-shaping activities. Some parents did all that — and do all that — wonderfully well. Maybe yours did; maybe yours do. Others are simply awful at parenting. Maybe yours were; maybe yours are.

In either case, unless and until you and I rightly honor the influence parents have or had in our lives, we will never be free to turn to the future. Instead, all of life for us will be made of blind reaction to our family of origin.

Clearly, to honor the past does not mean we condone the past. To honor the past does not mean we agree with the past. To honor the past does not mean we are duty-bound to reproduce the past. To honor the past means we see the past for what it is — not more, not less — and we recognize ways God has used the past to shape our lives.

For those of us who are still focused on the flaws and mistakes of mother and father, it could be that those flaws and mistakes are — or will be — for us the best preparation possible for rightly engaging the relationships of the future. Sometimes, we call the experience negative learning. Negative learning, when it comes to relational behavior, means we don’t necessarily know what is right, but we surely know what is wrong.

For those who believe mother and father did a really good job, it could be that the most honorable way to say “thanks” to those most-loved ones is to live like somebody who knows how to give that same sacrificial love and care to others.